Before the Greatness

How can I put into words of the ever aching pain that bellows within my heart? Shattered and scattered across the vast, gray horizon. They shine with emotion driven memories, sparkling like stars in the night. Is this what it comes down to? Pieces of my life here and there, too painful to pick up. They cut me even when I stare at them, so I have to look somewhere else for a time to heal. This is solitude, this is a part of me that is becoming the whole of me.

How can I be misunderstood?  How did I lose control of my life? Did I do everything wrong when I thought they were right? Why can’t I have such clear thoughts in my mind?  Perhaps it’s best that I let it all go out of control. Let fate twist and pull the strings while I rest my weary heart. I hear it now… those hymns and notes beginning the melody to give my life a new meaning. Another waltz, but can I still follow the steps? My feet hurt, let it go. No, I don’t want to take their hands and allow them to lead, but I’m too tired. It’s not fair and how.

I know how imperfect I am, but I guess that’s what made people to stick with me…  Should I have been more careful with those who mean to burn?  Here comes more strangers in my life. Are they ready for me? I don’t know, but I go to greet them as if my world wasn’t ending.  Such little time I have now to meet them all. I had so much in those early years, such a time that seems like that wasn’t me. What happened?  What happened to the paths I wanted to take?  Lost once again. If this is all a dream, I want to wake up. Wake me up and allow me to scream.  Let out the pain that still aches within, grabbing hold of those pieces of my life.  I want to wake up.

No beer or liquor can wash away the memories that I build with these people.  Placed together to construct my heart once again, I want to tear it down, because I know that these will hurt me again.  I’m done with the life lessons, let it go.  I know what I could have done with my life, let it go.  Wasted time is all it is, right?  I don’t know.

All those moments should have made it clear on my purpose, but it’s all gray.  I want everything to fade to gray and let it stay that way, but I know it’s wrong.  So tired of it all, let it go.  I don’t want to grab hold of your hands, just let it go and leave me alone.  Can’t you see that I let it go out of control?  I’m just going to let it all go and rest for a while. Dream for a time about a time before it was this time.  Yea, I am almost ready to go before the Greatness. Just let me sit back for a while and see where my life goes.


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